#ShoutYourResponsibility

            There is a great little restaurant in the same building as the office where I work and on mornings when I forget that my bank account is lower than my ideal amount, I enjoy indulging in my favorite bacon egg and cheese on ciabatta with a nice large cup of coffee. Usually, while I wait for my coffee, I read an intro to an article in the Style section of a newspaper. However, on this particular morning, I sat down at a table after realizing that I had forgotten the key to my office and I might as well relax and read a full piece. So I settled my eyes on a piece that some would scoff at:

#shoutyourabortion

            I am a firm believer of indulging in ideas that contradict that of my own. I think my own ideas are strengthened when tested. I will begin by disclosing my own presuppositions, biases, and slight experiences to the entire concept of abortion. I believe a fetus is human life. I believe life begins at fertilization of an egg. From what I have learned it seems to me that once an egg is fertilized the process of turning the fertilized egg into a zygote is already underway and cells are already multiplying.  I am also a Christian and I firmly believe the Word of God as the truth the way and the life.

Psalm 139 talks about how God knit me together in my mother’s womb. To me that would suggest that God was breathing life into me even then. I will disclose that I have never had an abortion myself and I have never been pregnant myself. I have known people who had an abortion before but I have not spoken directly with them about the subject. At one point in time I posted something on Tumblr about how much I disagreed with abortion, I wrote “I [was] disgusted with any woman who [had] ever gotten an abortion and they should be ashamed of themselves.” I later received a comment from someone who had gotten an abortion, which lead me to feel entirely guilty of shaming someone I had never met. I felt guilty for being so entirely disrespectful, for acting in a judgmental un-Christ like manner,  and for using the Internet to do it all rather than actually speaking to someone face-to-face. Mostly, I felt guilty because I had attempted to dehumanize someone else’s situation while simultaneously putting myself on some sort of high horse and I try really hard not to be that type of person.

I have spoken with people who disagree with my standpoint on abortion, people who don’t believe its wrong. I think most of those conversations happened when I was younger and they were most likely clouded by my own defensiveness. This article does not refer to the situation of abortion post rape either. I have previously heard that women who carry a rape-baby to full term experience less trauma than those who abort. I have heard that rape victims who abort have to deal with the trauma of rape and the trauma of abortion and the abortion just adds more trauma on top of trauma. That is really all I plan to say about abortion as the result of rape; I don’t think its fair for me to definitively say anything else because that is the most extreme of cases and it’s probably something I’ll never understand without experience.

            While reading the article the first thing that jumped out at me was when Amelia Bonow (#shoutyourabortion co-founder) said that there are valid reasons to have an abortion such as not being ready for a kid, being in school, not being ready to be a mother, or being in a bad relationship. Bonow says that culture has never made a woman feel as though these reasons were valid justified reasons for getting an abortion. Bonow also wrote about her own personal abortion, highlighting that she is a good person with a good heart and she did not feel bad about her abortion. She said she was happy that she was not forced to be a mother. The #shoutyourabortion campaign seems to have the main goal of creating a platform for women to discuss their experiences with abortion. It seems to say, “It’s okay if you weren’t really upset after your abortion, that doesn’t mean you’re heartless, and if you were really upset afterwards, you’re not alone.” The campaign is attempting to shift society’s idea of abortion away from the age of shame.

            It’s obvious that I don’t fully agree with the core reasoning behind the campaign. I don’t believe people who have had abortions should be shamed. I do think they should be able to talk about their experience in a safe environment of some sort. I don’t believe abortion is a grade A decision, but I don’t think that divorce is either and I wouldn’t shame a divorcee the way that I admit I have previously shamed someone who had gotten an abortion. Should we drift from the age of shame and the abortion clinic protesting? Thus far those tactics have not been affective in showing love to people. I don’t believe shaming people for decisions we disagree with is ever Christ like. It also does not seem fair to project our morals and expectations onto other people and then act cruel to people when those morals and expectations are not upheld in their daily life. 

            It seems to me that the defining line between whether someone thinks abortion is wrong or not relies on whether someone believes a fetus is life or not. Debating that argument seems pointless when considering my amount of expertise on the scientific side of how the human body works. There seems to be a cognitive step that comes prior to determining whether the fetus is or is not life. Regardless of a woman’s moral stance, there seems to be a process of justification for the act of abortion. Bonow says that there are valid justifications for an abortion that have yet to be recognized as valid from culture. Perhaps prior to judging the morality of abortions we should address these justifications and whether or not they truly defend such a large decision.

            When I was younger I was the problem child of three. I remember being grounded for almost a full year in seventh grade, once for a suspension at school and once for saying the f-word in front of the dean. Being grounded for a full year at the age of 12 was awful, but I truly deserved every day of it. If you’ve read my previous blog posts you can plainly see that even from my own car accident that happened about three years ago, I believe even that event happened for a reason. I believe in Newton’s third law. I try not to give excuses for when I mess up because I’ve learned to accept the consequences in my life and allow for those consequences to shape the person I am. So when Bonow says “I am happy I was not forced to be a mother” I can’t help but cringe. I don’t cringe at the fact that I think she murdered a baby, I don’t cringe at the fact that I think she’s a raging sinner (because I am a raging sinner myself), I don’t even cringe at the fact she got an abortion. Instead, I cringe at Bonow’s utter lack of willingness to take responsibility for her actions.

In the majority of cases, no one is ever forced to be a mother. Even from the ripe age of 10 or 11 I was taught that sex can lead to pregnancy. Being pregnant does not make you a victim. If you’re not ready for a kid, if you’re in school, if you’re not ready to be a mother, or you're in a bad relationship then maybe you shouldn’t be having sex. Honestly, the last one should be a no-brainer. Bonow claims that these are valid reasons to get an abortion, but maybe instead they're reasons to either be having safer sex or reasons to not have sex at all. If you have an unwanted pregnancy, yet you decided to have sex in the first place, I believe you should accept the responsibility for your actions. Few people agree to have sex without knowing that pregnancy is a possibility. 

            I don’t expect everyone to take up my lifestyle choice and abstain from sex until marriage, but I would like to think that if I was having sex and I got pregnant, I would not paint myself as the “victim” of pregnancy. If I had made the decision to have sex, I would hope that I would be woman enough to accept any consequences that might befall me afterwards. I don’t agree with the #shoutyourabortion campaign. Their concept of “I am woman hear me roar” completely falls flat. This social media trend is more so a bunch of women running from the consequences of their decisions and defusing their responsibilities. A true woman whose roar I would like to hear is a woman who didn’t want to be pregnant but carried the child to term anyways, knowing that she was the one who made the decisions that lead to her pregnancy in the first place. 

The Challenge of Challenging Oneself

            What if we truly lived with the belief that each and every single individual had something completely important to contribute to the world we live in? What if we made a conscious effort to value each other with this in mind? What if we didn’t dismiss those who oppose us and instead embraced that opposition in hopes to gain a greater understanding of our holistic world? I can hardly imagine a world in which we fully release our pride and accept the idea that even those we disagree with have something of value to offer us.

I don’t think we are pressured enough to learn how to separate a person’s intent from their beliefs. I don’t think we’re pressured enough to question our own beliefs. In fact, I can say from personal experience that I have been given the strong impression that questioning my beliefs will somehow make me a lesser or weaker individual. I have not explicitly been told this but I’ve noticed that when someone questions their own beliefs, they’re usually viewed as someone to be concerned or worried about. I don’t think we’re challenged enough. I think people might say they want to be challenged, but are not sure of what being challenged actually means. Some people are scared to objectively examine the beliefs of those who oppose them.  I believe this fear leaves us utterly vulnerable to our own ignorance.

What if we truly lived with the belief that

 each and every single individual had something

 completely important to contribute to the world we live in?

We have a tendency to alter our image of anyone who we perceive as wrong before we even attempt to gain a full understanding of his or her stance. This seems to be a defensive mechanism we utilize once we define someone as a threat to ourselves based on our differences. In doing this, we perpetuate hate. In doing this, we dismiss the belief that everyone is made in God’s image. In doing this, we neglect the importance of others. In doing this, we let go of our ability to display unconditional positive regard. In doing this, we become arrogant and prideful. If you were once told that loving one another is important then maybe you’ll agree that love starts with respect and love starts with the desire to understand one another.

I doubt there will be a person in this world that goes throughout their life without experiencing a disagreement with someone else. What matters is how we deal with those disagreements. I think most people can agree that no one is perfect. The definition of perfect is

‘Without fault’

If we believe no one is perfect then we must believe no one is without fault. If everyone has fault then there is a possibility for anyone’s belief system to contain error. However, the second someone questions our beliefs a disagreement breaks out. Typically we insist we are correct and often become angry towards the opposition. This is usually a result of our own passions overtaking us. There is something to be said for the one who can control his or her passions; for the one who can discern when to be humble enough to hold back and not assume his or her correctness over a situation. When we allow our passions to run rampant we lose control of those passions. When we lose control of our passions we become close-minded. When we become close-minded we lack humility and we gain arrogance. It’s not too long before we allow our passion to overtake us and we begin protecting our beliefs over everything. What it comes down to is this:

If what you believe is absolute truth then that belief requires no protection.

If what you believe is absolutely the truth then all paths will lead to that truth in the end. With this in mind it’s time to stop defending. It’s time to be open-minded. An open-mind allows us to listen to others and value what they have to say. Contrary to popular belief, an open-mind is not dangerous to your faith. Some of the most influential philosophical minds questioned their own beliefs and their beliefs were actually strengthened through it. A closed mind automatically assumes all conflicting beliefs are insignificant. When we become defensive of our beliefs we tend to dismiss what our opposition might value. In the midst of our dismissive attitudes we leave those individuals feeling under-valued. An open-mind never made anyone weaker. Challenging and questioning your own beliefs can only make them stronger. Believing that all individuals have something important to contribute to this world we live in will enhance our ability to love and grow our desire for true understanding.