The Triple Beam Balance We Call Life

            I’m a firm believer in the phrase “everything happens for a reason.” It only makes sense; I mean it makes sense biblically and scientifically. God is always in control and if He allows something to happen then that has to be for some sort of reason regardless of whether or not we know that exact reasoning. Even Newton said, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. So why is it that if I believe everything happens for a reason I still use the phrase “life isn’t fair” on a frequent basis?

Life is kind of fair.

             I think a lot of our anger or frustration toward how the world works is simply attributed to our lack of understanding. Last November 11^th I got in a car accident. You know how when you’re ice skating and you can’t stop you usually run into a nearby wall in order to stop yourself? Well, basically that is exactly what was done to me. I was the wall and some guy going 30-40mph used my car to stop him instead of using his brakes. He was the skater, my car was the wall, and in between there was a loud smash noise. Anyways I was really shaken up by the accident for a solid 2-3 months. I had trouble sleeping, I was terrified of driving, I didn’t want to be alone, I was petrified of the dark, I couldn’t sleep without a video playing in the background and some lights on, and even till this day almost a year later I have not driven over that same piece of road. I am not trying to sound
dramatic but even finding the pictures of my car in order to show what happened made me cringe and it was difficult to actually look at these pictures again. I’m not generally a wimpy person and I don’t usually scare easily. To paint some perspective I’ll just mention the fact that this accident blew out my back windshield completely, deployed my airbags, snapped my driver’s seat in half, made my radio fly out of its socket, popped my front hood, and cracked my front windshield too.  Some would deem the entire situation as an unfair random event. But maybe those who would perceive it as such just lack the understanding necessary in order to comprehend such a thing. Newton’s Third Law says every action has an equal and opposite reaction. So I went through something that sucked; but, I guess I consider that as my payment for all the good that came afterwards. I got a new car! I went from a 1996 Honda Accord to a 2007 Honda Civic, an eleven year upgrade! I grew closer to my best friend Erika too. I was really scared and shaken up afterwards and Erika was the first person I really talked to about being so scared. She was the first person who I asked to pray for me over it all and that helped us to grow closer. I grew closer to God through all of it too! I learned what it meant to feed my faith and starve my fears. I would say all of these things were direct opposite reactions from my car crash and they were definitely equal if not greater. It’s all in perspective. It’s easy to look at the bad outcomes of life because I think it’s common to want people’s pity. But honestly, if you’re that person, you’re most likely the friend that nobody likes.


             Then there are the troubles and problems you somehow place yourself in. I’ve had my fair share of those too. It’s strange but somehow issues you position yourself into are even more difficult to understand despite the fact that you placed yourself there to begin with. I mean I got myself suspended in 7^th grade and I’m still searching for an equal and opposite reaction from that experience 10 years later! I think the purpose in these moments is simpler than we usually notice. When I place my own self in a sucky situation I think it just teaches me time and time again that I’m human and I need God in my life. These moments point me back to the importance of my salvation and how in-need I truly am. I believe that throughout our life we our responsible for our obedience and from then on God is responsible for the outcome. But what if we take a step or make a decision that isn't obedient? Surely, God does not remove himself from a situation when we make a wrong choice. I think even if you make a wrong decision you can still trust God for the outcome of that decision. He brought death to life! He can do the same for your mistakes no doubt about it! I also think these moments teach me to grow up and take responsibility for my own faults and mistakes. I once heard this really great story of moral value.

Once upon a time there was an architect and a contractor. The architect had drawn up plans for 12 different houses, each of them more detailed than the last. The contractor signed on to build all 12 houses for the architect. After the contractor finished the 12^th house he was exhausted and he went to go see the architect in order to receive his money for the job. The architect looked at each of the 12 houses and saw that each was more beautiful than the last. The architect then reached into his pocket and the contractor patiently awaited his long-anticipated hard-earned money for a job well done. However, instead of pulling out a checkbook the architect pulled out one more design for a final house. The contractor was disappointed. The architect then asked him to build the final 13^th house. The contractor began his work and soon realized that the 13^th house had immaculate features and the work was ridiculously meticulous. The contractor quickly grew frustrated and decided that his other 12 houses could speak to his ability and then the contractor felt justified in slopping together the 13^th and final home. The final house was sturdy and up-to-code but the work done was nowhere near the contractor’s full-potential. Once the contractor was finished sloppily putting together the final home he met with the architect for what he hoped would be the very last time. However, when the architect drove up to the 13^th house and saw the contractor waiting outside he didn’t even get out of his car. Instead the architect rolled down his window and chucked the contractor a set of keys and said, “I designed this house for you! I want you to have this final house! Thanks for all your hard work!” The 13^th house, the contractor’s worst work, was now his own permanent home.

God designed this world for us. God wants us to have the nicest house possible. In most cases the things we build in our lives are probably our best work, our nicest houses. But there are always those houses that we build in our lives that just barely stand up-to-code. There are always situations we place ourselves in that don’t reflect on the best parts of our character. The contractor got to take responsibility for those 12 beautiful homes but he also had to take responsibility for the 13^th home as well. It’s nice to be able to claim all of our accomplishments but I think a greater sign of maturity is when we own our mistakes; owning those times that most people would be ashamed of, taking responsibility for our indiscretions. The people I look up to in my own life didn’t simply ignore their 13^th house. The people I look up to in my life took responsibility for building a crappy home and decided to work on their fixer uppers. I think learning to take responsibility for your mistakes is the bigger lesson after screwing over oneself. Because taking the responsibility over your mistakes is the only way to take responsibility for change in your life. How can you claim the great change if you can't first admit there was something you were changing from? You don't have to dwell on the past but you should at least learn from it.

 

I Was an Obsessive Crazy Girlfriend; Find Your Cure!

            I've been in a relationship with Mike for 4 years and 5 months. We have been dating since Junior Year of High School and now we’re seniors in college. There have been multiple times when people have asked me things like “where’s the ring?” or “do you think you guys will get married?” or “when do you think you guys will get married?” I even had one instance when I told a girl how long I had been dating Mike and in two simple words she dampened my mood, “no ring?” But recently I've found myself looking forward to a future with Mike but not being so upset that our future isn't starting tomorrow.

            There was also a time in our relationship when things weren't so good. Like I said, we started dating in high school. Freshman year of college Mike broke up with me. For me, that was completely devastating. I was going to school in the same town as him and I ended up dropping out of school. I almost left my home church to go to a new one because I didn't want to be around him. I felt like I had lost a lot of my friends too and the truth is, I had! After about a week or two of not being with Mike I realized how little I had in my life without him there. If you’re in a relationship right now, please just take a few seconds and think to yourself:

“What would I have if my boyfriend or girlfriend was no longer in my life?”

Be realistic. Which friends do you think you would still have? What would you end up doing on a weekend night? Who would you eat your meals with? Would you feel completely alone in places that you are usually a regular? Would you still get invited to places? Would you still have someone in your life to challenge you in your walk with God on the same frequent basis? Would you still have someone who you could reach out to when you heard something new and exciting from God? Which hobbies would you keep, which ones would fall away? What would you do in your spare time?

            I would just like to answer some of those questions with where I was at about three years ago. I did not have many friends left. I had a few who I had completely taken for granted while I was dating Mike. I had some friends who I had completely blown off or ignored. I had other friends who were completely sick and tired of hearing me whine about Mike over and over again. But realistically, throughout the course of my relationship with Mike up until that point, Mike was my one and only true friend. Therefore, when he dumped me I started to feel more alone than ever and truthfully that’s when I started to blow up my twitter feed. Sometimes things happen that you just want to tell someone about but when you don’t have anyone specific to tell those things to you might just end up tweeting them. This is what I have to say to people who don’t invest in any lives except the lives of their significant others, STOP IT! If you only have one life you’re truly taking the time to invest in then I believe you’re limiting God. If you would step away from your relationship for a while maybe you could invest in the lives of others. Don’t you want to position yourself in a way that God can truly use you? If you’re not someone’s somebody to lean on then you’re missing a huge opportunity to be used by God. Start investing in others’ lives, position yourself better, allow God to use the positions you place yourself in and hope that you don’t only position yourself to be God’s instrument in one person’s life. Anyways, back to those questions…On weekend nights I ended up in my bed watching TV at home with my two dogs…no joke. For a while I didn’t even eat meals and when I did it was usually alone in my room, yet again. I felt completely alone when I went to church especially. That was a place that I “regulared”, if you will, and I felt like all the people there were Mike’s friends and not my friends. There were a few people who did really help in that time by just talking to me and treating me like nothing had changed but it was really difficult to not feel alone. I didn’t have anyone to challenge me in my faith but to be quite fair, I’m pretty sure that all fell on my immature shoulders. I also had no one to share my God moments with. I ended up watching a lot of TV as some sort of hobby and I also played a lot of piano and sang. I didn’t necessarily lose any hobbies but in my spare time I usually just ran errands like some kind of soccer mom.

            I hope some of that paints a small picture for you of what my life was like without Mike about three years ago. Obviously since then Mike and I have gotten back together. From what I’ve said previously I’m sure a lot of people think that was probably a bad choice because my attachment to him probably seems unhealthy. Well it definitely was before but I have completely changed. After Mike and I broke up the first time I realized that I had made my relationship with him and idol in my life. I refocused my aim and realized God needed to be back at the center of everything. I also constantly keep myself in check these days to make sure I’m not repeating some sort of cycle. If I were to ask myself all of those questions today my answers would be completely different.

            Which friends do you think you would still have? I would definitely still have Erika, Ashley, Mel, Grace, and Blake. I also have a stronger relationship with my sister these days so that would certainly help. I think I would still have Thiago and Chad, Jordan and Mark seem like wildcards. Justin would remain in shared custody between Mike and I, he wouldn’t pick any side. I mean, he’s closer with Mike but I met him first soooooo it’s only fair that we share. On weekend nights I would probably still sit in bed and watch TV from time to time because for some reason I genuinely enjoy my alone time doing that. I think on most weekends I would still hang out with everyone or at least watch TV with Erika. If I were eating meals alone it would only be because I’m cheap, other than that I’m sure Justin would plan something or make us all brunch. I’m sure there are still places where I would feel alone because I tend to be an introvert at times and act more shy than I am; but, I’ve been forced to make my own friends in some situations and places and if I need to that’s something I know that I can do now. I started at Brentwood church not knowing anyone and now I look forward to serving with people I know. I think I would still get invited places especially because Mike is in Europe right now and I still get invited places. Erika would definitely continue to challenge me because she already does now and I hope I do the same for her. She is literally the exact type of friend I prayed for when I decided I wanted to go to Liberty and I’m thankful for my friendship with her every day and I’m extremely grateful for the fact that God is the center of our friendship. Talking about biblical issues is never out of the question or awkward and we can still make fun of each other every day. Not to mention, she loves TV and Sims…like what a beautiful combination. I think I would still paint and write a lot and those are things I would do in my spare time.  

            Paul talks in the Bible on how it is easier to be single because a single individual’s focus is always on God. A single person does not have a divided duty to please his or her spouse and God at the same time. Obviously God should always come first but a spouse has an interest to please both leaving them conflicted at times. I am an extreme One Tree Hill fan. It is my favorite show of all time. Haley and Nathan have an excellent marriage because they both never stop pursuing their dreams; they vow never to hold one another back. Ideally every relationship would be that simple but chasing dreams is more difficult in a relationship than people like to believe. Being in a relationship or a marriage is a calling from God and sometimes our dreams are also a calling from God. I believe we have multiple callings from God. I also believe if we only had one calling things would be simpler by far! I feel called to do a counseling internship with a church, but I also feel called to still be with Mike and continue to pursue marriage with him. That doesn’t sound difficult but if my internship is far away from Mike my desire to actually pursue it lessens. And that has nothing to do with him telling me I shouldn’t because I am 100% certain he would actually push me to go do it; but, that wouldn’t make leaving him any easier.

Sometimes our callings leave us conflicted and it feels like we’re the rope in a tug-of-war between two things we really want to do! Personally I also believe that simply feeling conflicted between two good things does not mean your relationship is bad or unhealthy. But I do believe that when you neglect one good thing over and over again you run out of those tough decisions to make. That’s actually more worrisome than having those tough decisions in the first place. I would rather have those tough decisions and know that I am still an individual with goals than to not have those tough choices anymore and realize that my entire life is anchored on whether or not I marry who I want to marry.  I would rather have multiple goals than just one goal to pursue a relationship and I would rather have multiple goals than just one goal to pursue a career. So if you realize that you don’t have any tough decisions like that to make, stop and think if there was a time in your life when that would have been different. Take some time to wonder if you gave up something for someone else. Are you settling for not having it all? Are you truly positioning yourself in a way that God can fully use you?

I’m about to switch gears a little bit and skip forward a bit more in my relationship with Mike. So three years after our break up and we’re still together, stronger than before and certainly more focused on what’s important (mostly me I was the crazy one). But like I had said before, everyone asks when the ring is coming. The main reason girls seem to make idols out of their relationships seems to me like it has so much to do with making a marriage and family their one and only goal. I think the first time around in our relationship I was so focused on that and that is when my relationship became an idol.

Marriage is a blessing, a calling, a job, and something to look forward to; but marriage shouldn’t be something that we’re so anxious for that we allow it to ruin where we are currently at. How can you enjoy the present if you’re constantly wishing that the future would begin? How can you enjoy a road trip if you’re the one constantly saying, “Are we there yet?” It’s so difficult to start the actual research for the paper if all you’re focused on is the actual 20 pages you’re going to have to write! When you enter into a relationship yes marriage is the goal and the point of dating is to get there but once you’re in a committed relationship find a way to enjoy where you’re at during every stage of that relationship!

Personally, I used to want to get married right out of college or at least be engaged by my senior year. Mike knew that and we talked about it once upon a time and Mike told me his own ideas on the matter. Mike believes that marriage should be an option once he is financially stable. When he first told me that I was frustrated but only because I realized that I agreed and that he was right and he was smart. Now when I think about it I respect him for that. I feel safe knowing that Mike wants to be able to take care of me and he wants to take the time to make sure he can fully do so. I love the fact that Mike wants to make sure he can give me what I fully deserve maturity-wise and financially. Knowing all of this helped me to be less anxious toward a future because I understood and agreed with waiting.

It seems to me that most girls get anxious for marriage the second they view it as a possibility. Once a guy tells his girlfriend anything about marriage it’s very likely that she starts imagining kids and planning a wedding. But what is the real reason to be so anxious? Realistically, if you stop long enough to really realize it, you have everything you need right where you’re at in that relationship right now. You have a man who loves you, he’s obviously committed, he’s hopefully your best friend, and he’s always there for you. What are the differences between your relationship now and what your relationship would be if you were married?

1.      Discussing finances and sharing money?

2.      Sex?

3.      A wedding in between?

4.      Kids (do you really want that RIGHT now)?

5.      Living in the same house?

6.      An expensive piece of jewelry on your hand?

All of these things are definitely things to be excited for but they’re not the main point of marriage. The main point of marriage is the fact that you love someone and they’re your best friend and you get that part with them before you even tie the knot! And realistically are you ready to tie the knot if that love and friendship aspect isn’t fully in order yet? If it’s meant to be it will be! If there’s a commitment level there now, then it should still be there in a few years! Being anxious toward all of these things is just making where you’re currently at that much more difficult! You’re basically constantly telling yourself that where you’re at right now isn’t good enough for you and you’re making things harder on yourself.

            I think about marrying Mike all the time but focusing on that is a downward spiral. I’m blessed to have him in my life and I’m thankful for him every day but God could remove Mike from my life again at any moment and that shouldn’t cause my life to fall apart in any way. I don’t want to miss this time in my relationship with Mike because one day when I’m 70 years old I’m going to wish I had this time back. I don’t want to take any second of it for granted and I want to fully appreciate it all. I want to be fully happy right where we are because time always flies quicker than you think. My life is so much shorter than I will ever fully understand and I am so thankful that I met Mike in seventh grade, so early in life. God has given me so much time with him and I want to take the time to appreciate every second rather than being anxious for the next part of it!

Philippians 4:4-7

“Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Don’t be anxious. Pray for that picture perfect future to stay intact while you’re being thankful for what you already have. He’ll give you peace and joy for wherever you are right now.  

Proud To Say, "I'm a Failure"

                I am only 21 years old, but I think about what my kids will be like someday and I think about the people I want them to be. I think that’s normal. In no way do I believe I am ready for kids or anything like that and I obviously do not want to have kids for another like 6-9 years or more; but, these are just some things that I think about. I also really do think it’s worth placing on your mind. Honestly, when I think about it I want my kids to have so many qualities that I don’t even have myself, or qualities I’m not even good at putting into practice! I started wondering if that was hypocritical of me. It seemed to me that if I wanted my kids to achieve goals that I haven’t even achieved myself then that was unfair and it was almost as if I was setting them up for failure. To me it seemed as though I would be projecting the expectations God has for me onto my kids; I was projecting my shortcomings onto them and expecting them to do better than I ever could. I was then reminded that I think everyone wants the best for their kids. Wanting the best for your kids isn’t wrong but part of wanting the best for them includes wanting the best for yourself first! Those shortcomings that I want to vicariously achieve through my future children might just be shortcomings I was too scared to try to achieve myself! If I chase my dreams, goals, and plans right now then I won’t feel the need to pressure my kids to chase them for me later. You owe it to your future kids to work on being the best version of yourself and you owe it to you future kids to chase the dreams you have in your heart. The person I want my kids to be starts with the type of person I want to be. The person who I am forming myself into now is probably the person I will be nine years from now, or at least a fraction of a future me! Now is the time in my life where I can start digging in the soil and planting seeds for my kids REALLY deep in the ground. Right now I can start forming strong roots for my kids and it starts with the type of person I decide to become today.

Proverbs 16:9 it says, “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.” It’s good for us to make plans, have dreams, set goals, and aspire to be something; ultimately, God determines all of the outcomes but we should still think about these things. We are given the opportunity from God to explore all of these goals so that we can exercise out intelligence, discernment, and creativity. We can form our plans to try and become closer to God, we can try to align our hearts with His, and then if our plans don’t come to pass we can lean on God for comfort and guidance. I believe we are called to think about our future and examine goals for our lives because it forces us to think of ways we can be in the center of God’s will.

I think sometimes people want to live in the now and not think about the future. I know I am guilty of this to an extreme degree because the future really scares me. But I also realized the biggest part of the future that scares me is this:

What if I fail? What if I can’t reach my dreams or any of my goals? What if I make a fool out of myself? What if everyone sees me fall flat on my face? What if I am embarrassed because I simply can’t do what I have set out to do? What if I do achieve the dreams I have and people think those dreams are stupid?

That’s true, all of that is a reality, and all of that could happen. We seem to spend about 95% of our lives worrying about the worst possible outcomes of these scenarios we have set up in our minds! I haven’t even put many of these goals into action and I am already worried of screwing them up.

 I tend to feel this constant pressure to succeed; and if I don’t, then I feel as though my world will be over. I think to myself that it’s better to not try, not fail, and stay safe; rather than try my hardest and then realize that my hardest was not enough. But even if I don’t try at these things, that’s a failure in itself; the lack thereof or absence of effort to pursue a goal is a failure in itself. I have trapped myself in this lose-lose situation in my mind. I tend to put all of this weight on myself and I have told myself that if I don’t succeed at something then I have wasted my time or it was all for nothing! Realistically though, that isn’t true at all! Steven Furtick once said this and till this day I find it to be one of the best quotes I have ever heard in my life,

“Don’t let the way you thought life would play out keep you from experiencing the joy of entering into the deepest sorrow and finding that God is there with you in it all.”

If I do set out to achieve these goals and I do fail then I can experience the great joy Steven was talking about. In my own mind, whether I realize it or not, I have made these goals some type of idol in my life by saying, “If I don’t succeed then these goals were a waste of my time.” Saying that is the equivalent of saying, “I am finding my worth in the success of this goal.” The truth is that God is no more with you in your successes than He is in your failures! Therefore when you have a day at your job when you have completely screwed things up God is still closer than your own breath. And when you have a day at work when everything went your way, our God remains the same and he is still right there with you. Perhaps when we fail at something we begin to doubt God and by doing that we are distancing ourselves from Him and not the other way around. Perhaps we are the one building up walls to keep ourselves from God. I have heard that the lies you believe will determine the future you experience; therefore, if we tell ourselves God isn’t there in our failures that’s what it’s going to feel like! It’s almost as if we believe our failures should be punished and so we tell ourselves that when we fail God is disappointed with us. Here’s the kicker though, God knew you were going to fail at whatever you might have just failed at before you even set out to do it or before you were even born. Therefore, it isn’t so much of a disappointment to Him because God is looking at you thinking, “Well…I saw that one coming!” I was trying to think of a situation in life that seemed similar to how God reacts to our failures. Because I was born in 1993 a Disney Channel metaphor seemed accurate. How many people remember the Lizzie McGuire episode when she dates the paper boy, Ronnie? If you watched Lizzie McGuire at all you know that her best friend Gordo was insanely in love with Lizzie from the start. So of course Lizzie starts dating Ronnie and Gordo doesn’t protest the relationship in any way, shape, or form but we all know Gordo did not think the relationship was a good idea. Gordo knew all along that Ronnie wasn’t going to be the one. But then when Lizzie gets dumped by Ronnie, Gordo is the one sitting by her side in the library encouraging her that everything is going to be okay. Gordo sort of knew all along that Lizzie was going to get hurt somehow and he saw it coming. But since Gordo is one of the best guys of all time he doesn’t say, “Called it!” Instead he comforts Lizzie in her failure, in her failed relationship. God allows us to fail at things sometimes and he doesn’t jump in and send any angels down to stop us from making mistakes (even though we all know He could do that). Instead, God permits our mistakes and allows our failures to occur as He waits to comfort us when everything blows up in our faces.

Has there ever been a time in your life when you felt like you were smack-dab in the center of God’s will and you were embarking on an opportunity He set out for you and all the sudden the doors of opportunity closed, or everything just plummeted for destruction? In those times I have found it so easy to think, “Oh I must have been wrong and God didn’t want me to go down that path, He must not want that for me.”  Maybe that isn’t true. Think about when God called Peter to come walk to him over the water. Do you think God didn’t know that Peter was going to start falling into the waves? God knew! God knew Peter was going to eventually fail and yet God still asked Peter to step out in faith and to walk across the water. God wanted Peter to fail because God wanted Peter to learn. Peter probably learned that God will reach out His hand when the waves get higher, that faith should not only be strong enough to take the first steps but faith should also be constant regardless of circumstances, and maybe Peter learned that falling on your face in front of everyone else who is in the boat is still more noble than staying in the boat. I’ve been staying in the boat for so long. Earlier I said I was scared of failing and that’s probably why so many of the other people stayed in the boat. Imagine you have kids and they have these great big dreams, would you want them to stay in the boat instead of taking the risk of pursuing those dreams? Every parent seems to believe their child can walk on water! Every parent wants to see their kid get out of the boat and try!

To be honest I wanted to write this entire thing on something entirely different. I wanted to write about working on being a better person because I think if I practice being a better person now then I can be a better example for my children later. That’s what I wanted to write about and that is why the beginning of this talks about parenting. I’m not sure when but somewhere along the lines of that idea my writing just shifted. The fear of failure has just been so prevalent in my life and so it’s difficult for me not to write about it. I think sometimes maybe God uses our fears like that. When you think about it, I failed to write what I intended to write about and I’m sure God will use that failure in itself! God uses our failures all the time. I have always said that a mistake is only a mistake if you make it more than once. If we screw up and don’t learn our lesson then what was the point of screwing up! I believe one of the most important things we can do in life is pass along our wisdom to others in whatever ways we can. God calls us to sharpen one another and sharing our fears and failures is definitely part of that. I’m positive I’m not alone in being terrified of the future but I’m also pretty sure someone else feels like they are alone because they’re scared of the future too.  If we can’t allow God to use our failures in that’s when our failed attempts become a waste of time.  If the world can take all of these things God meant for good and distort them into sinful acts then of course God can take the things that were meant to limit us and turn them into our biggest strengths. 

The Source of the Problem

                I don’t think I am the only Christian in the world who wishes that God would appear to them via burning bush. On most days I pray that God would come and tell me exactly what to do in my situations. At times I even become paralyzed because I am caught between two choices and I become terrified of making the wrong choice in the end. In the times of my life where I feel as though I need the most direction I find myself diving into God’s Word. I find myself watching more sermons, fasting, reading more of my Bible, journaling, and praying more often. I think most Christians would be able to truthfully say they do the same thing; when the going gets rough, we start going to God more often. I am a firm believer in saying that this does in fact work but not exactly for the reasons that one might believe that it works. We go to God in our tough situations because we want God to fix that situation; but I don’t believe that God is our own personal handy-man.

                In the times that I find myself trying to make a big decision I also find myself praying that God will grant me a sign. After I pray that God will grant me a sign I spend the whole day with my eyes peeled looking everywhere to find this sign. Soon enough I am praying for discernment to discern between signs and coincidences. Finally, I have discovered my “sign”, in which case I find myself praying to God asking Him to help me understand this “sign” so I can follow His will in my situations. It’s really stupid to actually think you can fully understand the ways of God. Who are you to think that you have that kind of intelligence? Who are you to think that your mind is on the same playing field with the creator of the universe?! I will never be able to fully understand God’s plan and asking for a sign is a desperate attempt to do exactly that, to understand. Instead of trying to understand God’s plan while it is occurring maybe it’s more valuable to our relationship with God if we just trust that He has a plan in the first place and it’s going to work. Here’s a thought,  if God wanted to tell us exactly what to do in a certain situation and He truly wanted us to know exactly what He needed from us, would He really make it that complicated? If God wanted us to do exactly what we should do maybe He would send a message in the form of some kind of burning bush.

I have also started to consider another possibility; what if God doesn’t want you to make the right decision? Not in a malicious manner or anything but perhaps God knows that there are certain lessons that you can only learn from screwing something up. God knows that sometimes you need to completely get things wrong in order to realize how to get things right the next time! If God didn’t want you to make mistakes, He wouldn’t allow it. If every mistake you made was a threat to God’s ultimate plan and His almighty design then His plan wouldn’t be that great. Sometimes I even go as far as to question my connection with God when I can’t understand these “signs” given to me. But here’s the thing, you’re not disconnected with God because you can’t seem to understand which path is right and which one is wrong. If anything, you’re a little bit disconnected with God because you’re trying to get him to fix these situations of yours and he’s trying to tell you to fix them yourself!

                Earlier I mentioned that God was not our own personal handy-man. I struggled to find just the right analogy for this however what I am trying to say is we cannot only go to God hoping he fixes our situations. There have been times when I have chosen to listen to a certain sermon because I believed the name of the sermon seemed to have some type of correlation with whatever kind of mess I was going through in my life. The whole time I watched that sermon I was comparing my situation to everything the preacher was talking about. Sometimes I noticed myself stretching the meanings of certain things that were said in a desperate attempt to relate to what the preacher was talking about. Looking back I can realize that I missed so much of the point of those sermons. I was constantly looking for one specific answer the entire time and I missed so much of the actual point! There’s a bigger picture and you’ll always miss it if you are just constantly trying to find out what kind of lens the photographer used in order to take the picture in the first place. I’m sure so many of us church goers have heard a pastor say something along the lines of,

“Stop trying to place these things on others and just focus on what God is trying to tell you right now. Look inward and examine your own heart!”

It’s so easy to dismiss the pastor in times like these and just think,

“Well he doesn’t know the situation I’m thinking about because what he is talking about totally applies to >insert name here< and it doesn’t apply to anything I’m going through at this point in my life.”

I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have used that excuse, “It doesn’t apply to me and this point in my life.” But maybe one day it will, maybe God is trying to drill it into your head now so you can avoid some stupid mistake you’re going to make in your future.

                If you truly think about it, you wouldn’t want God to tell you exactly what to do. Let’s say your mom wanted a gift so she told you exactly what she wanted, she gave you the money for it, she told you when she wanted it, and where to get it. Because you’re such a good child you retrieve the gift for her and you give it to her exactly when she wanted it. How valuable is that gift to her really? If your mom gave you all the tools you needed in order to carry out a task for her then you aren’t really doing it out of love for her, you’re doing it because she told you to and you don’t want to get on her bad side. If God told us exactly what to do and gave us the means to do it that would mean nothing and it would also take away from the free will He has given us. What kind of love would we be showing to our creator if there wasn’t trust involved as well? God calls us to have faith and to trust him because those are characteristics of love.

                So if God isn’t speaking to our situations through sermons, prayer, fasting, Bible teachings, and devotionals, then what is God speaking to?  God is constantly just trying to speak to our hearts. God speaks to our beings. He speaks to our character. After God has spoken to our character, situations can come and we can make our own decisions based on our convictions, based on our personalities, and based on the person God formed us to be! Our biggest problem might be that we refuse to take responsibility for the situations that we place ourselves in. If we could just take responsibility and realize that we’re the ones that need to be change, not our situations, then we can fix the source of the problem! God does not necessarily want to cater to each of your life situations and tell you exactly what to do. He wants to speak to your character and the person that you are. Sermons, prayers, devotionals, and Bible readings are all different ways that God communicates with us not to help us in our situations but to change our hearts and mold us into who we should be as individuals in Christ. If God told us exactly what to do through the means of communication He has then that would take away from the gift of free will that He has given us. Instead God speaks to our being and we become someone new and we make life decisions based on what our newly God-infused hearts and minds tell us to do. So if you find that you're frustrated because you can't make a decision or you don't know which way to go, consider the fact that maybe you've been asking God the wrong questions. Stop asking Him what choice you should make and start asking Him how He wants to change your heart. If you're becoming frustrated because you can't figure out a certain situation, try looking at it with a different perspective. Stop asking for answers and start asking questions about yourself as an individual! We go to God in our tough situations because we want God to fix that situation; but instead we should go to God on a daily basis in hopes that He’ll fix us.

The Wisdom Workout

                I’ve always wanted to be wise. I study psychology, specifically counseling, and I feel as though to be successful in counseling others, you need to be wise. There are different kinds of wisdom of course; there is wisdom received from God, and there is wisdom received from the world. I think wisdom received from the world would promote advice such as, “In order to get over someone sometimes you need to get under someone else.” Personally, that isn’t the kind of wisdom I want to practice giving out in my daily life.  Godly wisdom would sound more like, “If you keep chasing a relationship your identity can only be found in that relationship, but if you keep chasing Christ your identity can be found in Christ.” One form of wisdom is a quick fix whereas another form of wisdom is an overflowing well that will never allow you to be thirsty again.

I heard a quote last night that was extremely simple and this quote made me think of wisdom and how to achieve it, “The saddest people smile the brightest, the loneliest people are the kindest, and the people who have hurt the most are the wisest.”  The saddest people smile the brightest because they can truly appreciate being happy because they know how awful it is to be truly sad. The loneliest people are the kindest because they value the company of others because they know what it feels like to not have others around. The people who have hurt the most are the wisest because they’ve experienced not only their mistakes but the mistakes of others around them as well and they know in order not to be hurt again they need to learn from those mistakes and not make the same ones again. So in order to be wise, sometimes you need to make mistakes and you need to get hurt.

I find that I am often frustrated because I view my life to be more difficult than the lives of others around me. I feel like for a twenty year old girl I have experienced more hurt than others my age. I’ve seen others who have actually admitted that they have not really experienced life knock them down yet and I get extremely jealous. At the end of the day I wouldn’t erase the times when I have hurt because they taught me a lot but I wish I could take the gain without the previous pain. So why is it that wisdom can’t be gained from books, or reading, or teachings in a classroom?

Because being wise requires empathy, empathy requires life experience, and wisdom without empathy is just intelligence. How much would it mean to you if someone gave you advice but all the while you knew they had never experienced anything to the same magnitude of your current situation? How much would it mean to you if someone gave you advice but they would never willingly accept and apply that advice for their own life? I’ve found that personally when others are experiencing something that I have no experience in all I can really say is “I’ll pray for you” and after that I can’t seem to find words that will suffice! There are situations in which I don’t have any expertise or experience in and in the times when I am asked to give advice for those situations my advice becomes sub-par at best. Luke 6:46-49 surprised me in a new way when I read it with this concept in mind.

“Why do you call me Lord, Lord and do not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.”

Usually when I read this exert my focus is on the different types of foundations laid, rock and ground. However, it’s also about life experience. It says “the man who places God’s Word into practice” and we each are given opportunities to do exactly that! If we all build our foundation on God’s Word, the rock, then we are all off to a good start and our houses will not be blown over that is true. But let’s be completely honest, we have all met people who seem to have a stronger foundation than ours even though we are all Christians. We’re all using rock instead of ground so what’s the difference?! The difference is this: those people have had more experience. Those people have had more hard times that they can look back on and praise God for getting them through! Their foundation is stronger because they have laid more rocks than you! But that doesn’t mean each rock wasn’t heavier than the last!  

I believe that in my own life I am doing just fine when it comes to gaining experience through hurting. I have been piling my rocks for a while despite how heavy they can be at times. However, if that’s all that it took to be wise then every hobo would be speaking at conferences around the world. Being wise isn’t just a trait, it’s a way you carry yourself. You demand respect. You’re not necessarily old but everyone can see you’re well-spoken. I lack this trait; no, I extremely lack this trait. Being wise also implies being poised and graceful. Being wise means you know when to open your mouth and when to keep it shut. Being wise takes a new level of discernment. A vast majority of people only mention discernment when discussing major life decisions but we use discernment in our daily lives. We have the ability to discern between what we find to be appropriate and what we define as inappropriate. I have found that some of the most poised, well-spoken, and graceful people I know also filter what they take into their lives. This mature type of filter enables some people to possess the half of wisdom that I try so desperately to grow into achieving. Luke6: 43-45 is a perfect example of the point I am trying to make.

“No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thorn bushes, or grapes from briers. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.”

No person with a good heart pours out evil onto others through their words or actions. No person with a bad heart pours out genuine kindness onto others through their words or actions. Your intentions are your fruit and your intentions are who you are. Others’ perceptions of those intentions will frame who you are in their own mind. But if you are able to continually fill yourself with goodness upon goodness, kindness upon kindness, and humility upon humility, those are the traits that will pour out of you.  If you continue to practice those traits then you’ll be carrying those rocks to place on your foundation along with the rocks from all your struggles.  Be warned though just as the rocks of experience from hurt are heavy rocks of goodness, kindness, and humility are heavy as well.  And there’s a reason those rocks are heavy. We are all sinners! Those traits, goodness, kindness, humility, etc, those traits are just as difficult in the same way that going through hurt is difficult! It hurts to let go of pride! It’s scary to start carrying those rocks because we worry that eventually in the middle of carrying a rock of humility we’ll drop it on someone’s foot the moment it gets too heavy for us! And that’s why we need God to help us carry these rocks to place on our foundation.

                If all of these rocks carry so much weight it’s a good thing we don’t have to carry the load alone. Personally I only enjoy exercising if I feel sore the next day.  That soreness lets you know that the work you put in was worth it because you grew and you became stronger in some way.  So are you a person who would like to carry the lightest rocks and just finish the job without growing, becoming stronger, or improving? Or would you prefer to be sore the next day? I want to be sore. I want to know I didn’t waste my time. I want to know it was all worth it. Each rock taught me something. I couldn’t have carried any of those rocks alone so each rock is also a reminder of God’s presence in my life. Gaining wisdom is a workout. Each rock is going to be heavy but maybe because you have already carried some rocks, you can help others carry their rocks too.

Super Christian

                For a while now in my life I've known a good handful of non-believers.  I’m around people who don’t believe in Jesus almost just as often as I’m around people who do. The other night I was out for ice cream with some people and we were talking about another group of people. I was talking with three atheists and one agnostic girl; all four of these people understand that I am a Christian. Soon enough the other group we were talking about was referred to as the “super Christian” group.  In a sentence that term would be used as such: “Oh…they’re like super Christians aren't they?”

                To be honest I was immediately insulted. Why were these other people super Christians and I somehow wasn't? I started worrying if I’m a bad example of Christ in other’s lives. I wondered if I wasn’t doing enough to show people that I was a Christian too. I am more than willing to be the Christian I believe Christ is calling me to be so why did it feel to me as though I was being classified as just an every-day Christian whereas others seemed to possess super evangelical powers?

                As I craved to belong to this group I realized the possibility that perhaps being super Christian means something entirely different to nonbelievers. I tried to revert my mind back to when I didn’t believe and after doing so I felt more and more like I didn’t want to be that type of Christian. I don’t want to be super if that means I can’t be friends with someone who is gay because they’re a sinner going to hell. I don’t want to be super if that means constantly insulting others based on a difference of political views. I don’t want to be super if it means I have to start thinking I’m not a sinner because my sins aren’t as severe or public. I think when nonbelievers use the phrase Super Christian those are the types of connotations paired with it and if nonbelievers stick up their nose and don’t want to be around a “Super Christian” then that prevents us from being Christ-like in the first place!

                When I hear the phrase Super Christian I hear something entirely different. I want to be super if that means everyone can see I have faith. I want to be super if that means I can rub elbows with other sinners just like me. I want to be super if that means the love I show to others is always evident and genuine. I want to be super if that means displaying any political views with grace and correct timing. I want to be super if it truly does mean being super Christ-like. I want to be super if that means I’m a Christian who is loved by believers and nonbelievers alike. I could go on for days about what a super Christian would sound like to me because a super Christian would possess all the qualities I try to practice having daily; patience, humility, grace, love, wisdom, righteousness, maturity, etc. By my own standards being called a super Christian could possibly be one of the best compliments of all time.

What is our motive to show genuine love to all people?

                I found this to be an interesting question.  My life group spoke about this in a discussion a couple weeks back and we tried to find our own answers. From a young age we are told that loving everyone is what’s right or Jesus loved everyone and we need to be like Jesus. Both of these answers are 100% true. We should love everyone because Jesus did and we’re constantly working to be more Christ-like and because it’s the right thing to do. Our other answer seemed to be something a little more in depth. As Christians we have found this better way to live, we need to love others in hopes that doing so will show them a glimpse of the better life that they can have through Christ. I also found that answer to be true and I agreed. However, later that night I began to realize that a lot of people who I have seemed to have trouble loving are Christians already. Whether or not someone is a Christian does not correlate with their kindness or character. I have trouble loving Christians and non-Christians alike!

                There will always be people in our lives who drag us to a new level of frustration and test our patience. There will be people who push our buttons and defy our moral standards. There have been plenty of times when this thought has crossed my mind, “they don’t deserve ____” or “God’s judgment should/will fall upon them for their wrongdoings.” Regardless of whether or not those thoughts are wrong or not I have trouble preventing my mind from thinking them entirely. As humans, we cannot possess that perfect balance of grace and truth the way God does and sometimes our inner judge pounces for the jugular. So what is our motive for genuinely loving people when love is the farthest thing from our mind; when saying “it’s the right thing to do” or saying “Jesus did it” isn't reason enough for us to love what else drives us?

                I examined my own heart and found my own personal motive to show genuine love. I think this can be different for a lot of people but I would like to share what idea worked for me.

I show genuine love to people because I want to be closer to God’s presence; I want to see Him work in not just my life but in the lives of others. I want to see broken people find triumphant victories. I want God to use me.

How is a broken person going to come to you when they’re in need unless you've been showing love to them all along? One of my new favorite verses says everything just right and it’s the same verse that is written on the top of this blog, 2 Corinthians 1:3-4.

“…the Father of all compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”

We show this comfort through genuine love, we get the opportunity to comfort others by showing genuine love in the first place, and in doing so we are used by God in His great design. In doing so our lives gain purpose through God’s will, and in doing so we are an active piece of the Body of Christ. So in simpler terms, why do I love others? Because I want to be the one those people come to when they’re broken. I want to be used by God.

My First Duh Moment

                I want to be real. I’d like to give you fair warning and let you know that I have fairly large feet and therefore they tend to get stuck in my slightly small mouth. But I want you to know me; I want you to know my heart. That’s why I want to share my full testimony with you. Unfortunately, that story involves a lot of people and I don’t have permission for full disclosure. There are some things I won’t be able to go into detail on. I think I need to start as close to the beginning as possible (don’t worry, I don’t mean from birth)…

                About nine years ago, at the age of eleven, I moved into a new town and started at a new middle school.  I was an Air Force brat so at the time this was my third move. As some of you know, when you move to a new place you get to be a new you! The me I decided to be was definitely different. You could call it a naivety, you could call it immaturity; either way, it was just a phase.  I think the picture does an alright job of summing up this phase I went through (I'm in the middle). Some would call it punk, or goth, or emo; you can take your pick.

                The real turning point of this whole story really hit in seventh grade English class.  Mrs. Hoover’s English class was the bane of my existence with the acceptance of one person in particular, Michael Robert Marrotte.

                So what was is exactly about Mike that made me tolerate English class and the best worst teacher of all time? Mike was just a well-liked guy. He was genuine, kind. He just had this type of greatness about him that is difficult to describe. At the time I didn’t understand that God was just using Mike to show me a glimpse of His greatness; all of these qualities that I was so drawn to in Mike were qualities of God just shining through.  As you have most likely already assumed, I developed a massive crush on him.

                I promise you all of those facts will become relevant later on in this story; but now I’ll shift focus to my home life. This part of the story is where I’m going to choose to be really vague. In seventh grade something happened that kind of sent me a red flag and I realized something wasn’t right. After a certain sequence of events my home-life became entirely different. There was never fighting or yelling or anything like that, there was just a noticeable tension in the air. Unfortunately, seventh grade was not the end of my troubles and middle school continued.  In eighth grade my parents alerted the rest of our family to the fact that they were apparently experiencing marital issues.  As I said before, I knew there was tension; but, there was no fighting so I was still very caught off guard when my parents announced their separation in November of that year. My dad was going to move to our old house in Bealeton and my mom was going to stay in our current house with my siblings and me.

                Then summer before high school began. I had Christian friends like Mike and his friend John, and near the end of summer they had invited me to their youth group. Upon first being invited I remember the negative connotations I had associated with church. Honestly, I think my biggest concern was my image at the time. Like I had said before, I was going through a phase where I thought I was B.A or something and obviously a cookie-cutter church act just wouldn't fit with who I was trying to be. But then I talked to my best friend Rachel about it and we decided that if cute boys were going to be there then it was probably the place to be. So I admit this much, the only reason I ever stepped foot into a youth group in the first place was because I was thirsty. I was about to join marching band in high school so obviously the thirst was more real than it had ever been.

                Rachel and I went to youth group on one summer night about a month before school had started. I have absolutely no recollection of what the speaker spoke about. All I can remember is we were all told to go off in a corner and pray at the end of service. I don’t think this was the first time I ever prayed but I remember the cathartic feeling that followed. I walked home with Rachel and I remember telling her how I was going to go back again. Youth group was a place worth exploring and an avenue worth traveling down, regardless of my public image.

                I began to pray that my dad would come back home. I didn't want my parents to get a divorce obviously, but most of all I just missed him. Bealeton is a forty-five minute drive from Leesburg and because of the long distance we didn't even really get to see him very often. I prayed every night before I went to bed just praying that he would come home. I wasn't even a Christian at this point; I didn't really know who God was. I think I thought of God a lot like Santa Claus and just believed God would want me to be happy all the time and therefore he should bring my dad back home to me. I’m not sure how long it took but eventually one day my dad came into my room and told me Bealeton was too far, he missed seeing his kids, and he was going to come back home.

                The second my dad left my room I remember looking upward past the ceiling, past the roof of my house, and just saying “You did this for me.” I earnestly believed that God brought my dad home to me. I immediately decided that since God brought my dad home to me, I believed in Him.

                I think I thought that made me a Christian.  I wouldn't say that this was the day I was saved and I can’t recall an exact date when I actually was saved. This is not the end of my story.

                If I can remember correctly I think my dad lived with us until the summer before my junior year of high school. When I turned sixteen I was informed that my dad was going to move out again and my mom was going to start seeing someone. Luckily, my dad had found a house foreclosure and it was maybe a mile from my mom’s house, so he wouldn't be that far this time. I kept going to youth group and I think I might have started going to Sunday morning church at this time too.

                The first holiday season with my parents separated was swiftly approaching. I remember I wrote a prayer card during youth group that had mentioned how difficult the holidays were going to be with my parents separated and what not. I think some time after I had mentioned that my youth pastor said something to me that really got me to realize how I needed to adjust my view of God. I don’t remember the context or when he said it but I just remember him saying something about how I couldn't base my salvation or my faith on an event or on the fact that God did one good thing for me one time. I can’t remember the exact words he used, but I wish I could because his words really helped me understand how my view of God had been wrong for a while. I had based my entire faith on the fact that God brought my dad back to me. I needed to base my faith on the fact that Jesus died on a cross and took on my sin and shame in my place so that I could have a relationship with God through Jesus. I could have a relationship with a God who was holy and just and loving and merciful.

                Like I said before, I’m not sure of an exact date; but, I don’t think I believe that salvation is a one-time thing. Salvation seems to be a gradual process to me and there are always parts of me I am praying to improve upon and grow in. You can allow the Holy Spirit to fill your heart once, or you can take up your cross and be filled daily. Duh.